Cold.

It's 3.04 am and I decide to write something. When you are still awake in the morning.. It is either you are in love or you are lonely. I can't tell you which one is my situation.I want you to decide your's ; well if you are reading this blog 3 o'clock in the morning. So here comes my story..

I feel extremely happy when we spend our night together, at skype. Dah lama tak jumpa, tak bercakap, tk dengar suara awak and yes finally I can do that last night. It is such a pleasure and I thanks to Allah for give me this chances. I feel like I am on top of the world when I saw his smile. The perfection in his smile will never failed to bring the happiness in my heart. How cute when I asked him to sing and He said "no I wont sing if we are face to face like this" and I was like "eleh malu letuw~" hahaha. At least he sing "syurga di wajahmu" by Nash. It is more than enough.  I miss everything about us. I miss our relationship but I know it's for the best in the end. Somehow, today.. He online and I say "hi" but something terrible happen which is he doesnt reply my IM. I know I will get hurt when I say hi and I have ready for the consequences. The thing is... I still get hurt even when I ask myself to prepare in getting hurt. I dont know what is so special in him that makes my love towards him increase day by day. Well I think it is not important anymore since he decided to break and end up our relationship. At the first few seconds, I burst into tears but yes I manage to control my feeling. So I told him I was okay and I will follow your decision if this is the best for both of us. (well it is not the best because we break up for almost a week yet I still cry everynight. Is it the best ?) so lastly he want us to be "friend". And now here I am... Thinking about my "friend" and....... Lonely. Yay you have got the answer ;) goodnight and assalamualaikum! x

Happy Birthday to me!

Assalamualaikum..so it's my birthday. Nothing special in my birthday except for the cake and gift from my bestfriend. I praise to Allah because He still give me a chances to breath and repent until now. Last night/ morning which is 12.00 am I receive a voice note from him. well he sang a birthday song for me hahah I swear to god I feel like dreaming and I was like "Ya Allah terima kasih sbb buat dia datang balik". Well I said that because Nabil used to disappear but somehow he appear that night and bring back the smile that had gone for a long time. Somehow I said " Dah tawar hati" and he was like............. merajuk kot haha comel betul awak ni nabil. I love to make a joke but Nabil always take it seriously lepastu marah. I always said "control baran awak sayang" yet he will never change and asyik marah je hahah terima je lah dia seadanya because whatever happen, he is my boyfriend and I love him. Today I went to Rawang for sister's wedding. He promised to meet me but in a very last hour he said he doesnt have a transport to come at my sister's place. Actually I was not mad at all but I am very dissapointed and sad because I miss him so much and I want to see him. So tonight we are fighting haha as usual because I tweet something and he get mad. Actually I do that because I want him to realise his fault and do not do the same mistakes again but Nabil will never learn. I dont know how to change him and the only thing I can do is pray and keep his name in my dua. Everyday after sholat I will pray and asked god to give him "petunjuk dan hidayah. Lembutkan hati dia agar dapat jadi seorang yang penyabar dan lapakanglah mindanya agar dia dapat terima ilmu dari Mu. Jadikanlah dia seorang anak yang soleh, seorang pelajar yg bertanggungjawab dan seorang kekasih serta kawan yang setia. Berikanlah kebahagiaan kepada dia ya Allah, biarpun kebahagiaan dia bukan dgn aku". hahah everytime I doa, I will end up with tears because my last wishes to Allah.. I just want him to happy and I dont know why I cant give him the happiness. I try but I failed. I failed ya Allah.. I failed.